One of my favorite authors...

I was reading this when I remembered one of my favorite authors. Lewis Grizzard was a beloved writer for the Atlanta Journal and Constitution. I remember long summer evenings at my Grandmother's house, listening to my Grandfather read Lewis Grizzard's latest yarn about the University of Georgia, or Weyman C. Wannamaker a great American; to my Grandmother. She would throw her head back, slap her knee and laugh uncontrollably. Here is a sample of Lewis' humor.

Let's Put An End To Salad Bars


At long last, I am getting some assistance in my ongoing crusade against what I consider to be a dastardly affront to the American consumer, the salad bar.
In a recent edition of The Wall Street Journal, there was a front- page article indicating that not only are salad bars, in my opinion, an insult to the average American eat-outer (Who wants to go to the trouble and expense of eating out and then have to get up and make his or her own salad?), but they can be a health hazard.

The Journal points out that because salad bars usually feature a number of perishable foods and because you don't know who's been handling the food before you got up to make your salad, there is a chance you could wind up with food poisoning as a result of a visit to a salad bar.

The Journal also points out that people can sneeze on the lettuce, stick their fingers in the blue cheese dressing and drop a hair or two on the feastings as well. Fad got out of hand

There are even worse things that can happen. I quote from the Journal's article: "Jack Williams, a Los Angeles County health official, was piling lettuce on his plate one day when he saw a youngster pick his nose and then use the same hand to pluck a cherry tomato and fling it back."

Grr-oss.

What happened to the salad bar in this country is what happens to a great many fads. It got out of hand.

Wendy's has a salad bar, Burger King has a salad bar and it likely won't end there. I am awaiting the day chiropractors put a salad bar in their offices.

Picking up germs at a salad bar isn't the only risk the customer takes when he or she approaches a salad bar, either.

Some restaurants do put a "sneeze shield" on their salad bars, but the problem there is with a shield, you have to bend over and then reach way in the back, which is where most restaurants put all the good stuff, like the cherry tomatoes.

A person could severely injure his or her back, attempting to make a move only a contortionist could pull off without fear of winding up in traction. Come to think of it, perhaps chiropractors are the ones who have been behind this sal ad bar idea all along. Don't fix your own

Here is what we as Americans should do to get rid of salad bars forever:

When you have finished giving your order and the waitress or waiter says, "Help yourself to the salad bar," you reply, "Are you out of your mind? I worked all day. My wife/husband worked all day. We decided to treat ourselves by going out to dinner.

"We want to sit here at this table, have a couple of drinks, and then eat dinner.

"We don't want to have to mix our own drinks. We don't want to have to prepare our entree, and we do not - under any circumstance - want to get up and go to the trouble of fighting the mob at the salad bar.

"We demand someone prepare our salad for us. We will tell them exactly what we want on our salad, and we expect them to be brought here at our table promptly and we expect them to be served with a smile. Understand, bean-sprout-breath?"

If everyone were that forceful, we could rid our country of salad bars and make it a much better place in which to live, raise a family and eat out.

Move quickly before one more nose-picker has the opportunity to get his hands on our tomatoes.


Some of my favorite Grizzard quotes are:

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.

Lewis’ advice to Atlantans in case of nuclear war: "If you live on the South side of Atlanta, get on I-75 and go south. If you live of the North side of Atlanta get on I-75 and go north. If you are a Yankee get on 285." (For those of you not familiar with Atlanta highways, I-285 is a loop around the city)

The public, more often than not, will forgive mistakes, but it will not forgive trying to wriggle and weasel out of one.

Dang it Chavez, there's no need to be independent...

Hey Gang,

Geo and I went to one of the best baseball games I have ever seen. The Rangers got the stuffing knocked out of them early in the game, but the Rangers' big bats won the evening. Bonnie's favorite player, Rod Barrajas; hit a grand slam. The 23 year old second baseman hit two chili peppers over the left field wall. Big Tex; Mark Texiera blasted a homerun, and Phil Nevin popped a walk-off homer over the left-center field fence.

Geo, thanks for ticket, and for the great evening. You are a great friend, and I am blessed to have one like you.

You might be a redneck if...

Well, it is never too late to blog about a great time. So here is the story of our night at Thomas' new digs. Thomas, as most of you know has a new house out in the Weatherford area complete with a large empty back yard that is perfect for shootin'. So, we all loaded up and headed west for some charred beef, and some hot lead. A "load" of fun was had by all. Here is "Bullseye Bonnie" shooting the .22.
Here is Thomas having fast fun with the AK. I think he liked it, but the surprised look on his face after he shot it was a mixture of "oooh I like that but whoa it was powerful."

Here's Emily, looking like the pin-up girl for the NRA. She was a great shot with that shot gun! Thomas, you had better never make her mad!

Here's Madison. Who knew that such a great theological mind could be such a good shot as well. Madison, I just want to remind you that that sort of violence is never to be used against heretics!

P.S. Congratulations to Thomas "the Turkey Assassin" Winborn for his recent success hunting. He bagged a large turkey this past weekend.

Wedding News...

Ha! had you all thinking that I was going to divulge something about Bonnie and I didn't I?

The real reason for this post is to let all of you know that Nathan & Beth are now hitched. The ceremony went quite well, and was beautiful. The reception was wonderful; God was honored, and a good time was had by all. The Bride and Groom are currently enjoying their wedded bliss in Andalusia, Alabama, followed by Shreveport,LA, and then Bridgeport,TX.

I really wanted to say Congratulations ! to Mr. & Mrs. Lawrence, and I also wanted to say thank you for letting me be a part of that special time in your life. I consider it a privilege to have been there.

Beth & Nathan,
May the Lord, who can do greater things than we could ever ask or imagine; bless you with his presence and his grace in your marriage. May he be the tie that binds you both together, and the wellspring from which your love for each other will flow. And may your lives together glorify His precious and great name. Amen.

As a former teacher, I found this funny...

SICK OF THOSE HIGH PAID TEACHERS???I, for one, am sick and tired of those high paid teachers.Their hefty salaries are driving up taxes, and they only work nine or ten months ayear! It's time we put things in perspective and pay them for what they do...baby-sit! We can get that for less than minimum wage. That's right...I would give them $3.00 dollars an hour and only the hours they worked, not any of that silly planningtime. That would be 15 dollars a day. Each parent should pay 15 dollars a day for these teachers to baby-sit their children. Now, how many do they teach in a day .... maybe 25. Then that's 15 X 25=$375 a day. But remember they only work 180 days a year!I'm not going to pay them for any vacations. Let's see...that's 375x180=$67,500.00(Hold on,! my calculator must need batteries!)What about those special teachers or the ones with master's degrees? Well, we could pay them minimum wage just to be fair. Let's round it off to $6.00 an hour. That would be $6 times 5 hours times 25 children times180 days = $135,000.00 per year.Wait a minute, there is something wrong here!!!There sure is, duuh????!!

I stole this from Lance Perkins Blog.

My new crush...

I have bored you all by talking, ad nauseum; about how I want a motorcycle. I still do want one, and can really see myself speeding around on one. I am not one of those bike only guys though. I am inspired by other gas monsters as well.



This is a 63' Impala convertible, my new crush. It looks like it has hydraulic lifts in it, which lift the body up and down over the axles. That would be awesome. I could so, see myself cruising down the street in this with the music blaring. I would love to get the four door version of this behemoth, and trick it out. My future son, should God bless me with one, is going to so love his dad; because Daddy wants to give him a car like this. I want to be the Dad that lets his son drive a car like this to the prom, or drives his little princess around the football field in it at homecoming.

Sorry about the proliferation of posts, but when I get in the mood to blog, I blog.

Whew!

Well guys and dolls,

I should have known better, but...well...you all know me. Last year I took a two week, 4 hour a day class. It was good, but wore me out. Well, being the glutton for punishment that I am, I decided to do it again. By the time you read this post, I will be half way through a class on Christology; that has stretched my mind and my endurance. My professor is I. Howard Marshall, revered professor and author from Aberdeen, Scotland. He is great, a great scholar, a kind man, and a cheeky individual. I am priviledged to be able to learn from such a man.

Above is Professor Marshall. Doesn't he just look like the Grand-dad that you just love to go sit with and talk to about anything. He looks like the kind of Grand-dad that will sneak you an extra scoop of ice-cream, and then go rebuke the local heretic.

From Hoochie Mamma to Holy Mamma...

Hey Gang,

I want y'all to know how funny my girlfriend really is. Sometimes Bonnie just comes up with the funniest things in the world. Tonight, we were driving to Applebee's for a little late night din din, when Bonnie and I were talking about somebody being a Hoochie Mamma. Somehow, Bonnie got to talking about Rahab, when she busted out: "she went from being a Hoochie Mamma to a Holy Mamma!" I nearly died laughing. Bo, you get mad props!

I want to be a part of it, New York, New York...

I have always wanted to go to New York City. I don't want to stay for long. I am sure that I would not fit in there. Honestly I would probably be scared to death if I did go; but I want to go none the less. New York is home to so many cool things. It is home to some of the most interesting and and beautiful works of architecture in the world. New York has such a neat history and culture. I would love to soak it in for a week or two. Life is different there, and I for one; would like to experience it.
Grand Central Station would be one of my first stops in NYC. They say it is one of the most beautiful buildings on earth. It takes us back to the 20's & 30's when the train was king, and when style and class meant something.

This is the Chrysler building. It is one of the architectural gems of New York. After this, I want to go to the Empire State Building.

I definitely want to ride on the Staten Island Ferry and get a good long look at this pretty lady. She to is a marvel to see. New York is living proof of what God said about men during the time of the Tower of Babel. God has given us great intellectual and physical abilities, the ability to plan and produce marvels like you see on this post. Yet, if left to our own devices we, like those in Babel; could use that intellect and ability for the ugliest of things. That is what I see in New York, the great things man can do, and the way that we use our gifts poorly. The Statue of Liberty was given to the people of the U.S. by the people of France as a gesture of brotherly love. By God's grace, we are capable of loving one another, and we are capable of great feats, if only we would turn them towards God and his purposes. New York makes me pray for us to turn our awe inspiring abilities towards God, and using them for his glory.
This is the Flatiron Building. What an ingenious use of space, which is of course at a premium in NYC.

I want to go see the Brooklyn Bridge. It was a marvel of ingenuity, and mechanical design in its day. Besides, check out that view.




I would love to go to Yankee Stadium. I would love to watch the boys from Bean Town beat up on the Bronx Bombers. I don't like the Yankees, but everbody should see the House that Ruth Built. Besides, I have heard my Dad talk about it so many times, that I simplymust go see it.

What about you? What would you do on a trip to the Big Apple? Help me plan my future vacation.